How do you like me now?
by MorphoGreen
Summary: Jim never had been normal. He was persistent. He was a bad habit: Annoying, always there, worst timing ever. That's why it wasn't a surprise that he fell in love with this pointy eared Vulcan Science Officer when said one experienced 'his special time in seven years'. It also surprised no one when Jim started to stalk Spock or that another person started to stalk Jim.
1. Prologue

**A/N: A Spirk fanfiction, Academy AU.**

**Humor/Romance, Happy End, probably 18 chapters. **

**It's a German story I'm translating so it'll sure takes some time for me to upload all the chapters.**

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Prologue: What a shock

Words: 703

James T. Kirk stared at the guy in front of him, just a few meters away. The man signed something at a datapad and talked to another Officer. It maybe was horribly rude to stare so openly but really, Jim couldn't help it and so far no one seemed to notice.

He held his breath. The world around him slowed down as if it had decided to stop completely every second now. The light of the sun sent all of it's light to this one spot where the Vulcan stood.

Because a Vulcan it was who caught Jims attention utterly. Actually, it was a Vulcan male Science Officer.

The weird strained light made the black and neatly organized hair gleam, the blue uniform shine and move like ocean waves in the sun but the thing that freaked Jim out was the ground under his feet which appeared to be less solid then it should be: It moved. God, Jim could swear it moved under him. And then, of course, there was this odd kind of music coming from now where... Yes, Jim's mind was on standby, he couldn't do anything let alone think straight.

Jim's heart skipped a few beats, his pulse tried to run a marathon and it wouldn't have shocked him if a pink arrow of the Angle Armor would stick out of his chest.

But then suddenly the Vulcan turned around. Around to Jim, facing the cadet because of course, someone had to notice the staring at _some point_. Jim just wouldn't have thought the Science Officer himself would be that person. Yea. Jim's attention was intensive intense.

"Can I help you, Cadet?" Came a neutral voice, slicing through the fluffy clouds of paralysis and got to Jim's brain. Eventually. Because Jim still couldn't do more then drool and stare. And stare a little more.

Jim never was a person who believed in God and miracles but what else should this be if not a miracle?

"I... Uh, I think you're destroying my reputation. Like, totally." Jim said silently, his voice a shadow of it's usual take-up-all-the-space-and-interrupt-every-conversa tion sound.

He had to blink, too, cataloging every movement of the Vulcan. Jim's eyes became a invisible camera with film. Dark eyes which weren't his own surveyed him skeptically. Or at least that's what Jim thought was happening but he couldn't know for sure. He couldn't see much in the Vulcans face.

"Would it be possible for you to elaborate your statement?"

A few people who passed by stopped in their tracks; no one wanted to miss the moment when someone like Kirk talked to someone like Science Officer Spock. That surely was a situation of that extraordinary kind, barely ever happened. A few wished for a camera, some prayed that the Starfleet Academy had camera installed in the halls anyway.

"I believe..." Jim grinned, "...I am falling in love. And that's weird enough."

It seemed that all sounds in the arrivals hall were muted to zero. Of course, that was nonsense because Shuttles of all kinds with all kinds of beings still came and left but... But the silence stayed anyway.

Mr. Spocks eyebrow rose but he didn't reply.

Then suddenly Jim snapped out of his state of schoolgirl-drooling-and-starring and looked irritated. Like someone who wakes up and wonders if the dream just dreamed was a dream or a fading memory of actual actions.

Jim turned around and fled.

The next three months were pretty exhausting, for Bones, Kirk and Spock altogether. Because Jim wasn't sure what had happened and if he had his first mid-life-crisis at the age of 23, Bones because he had to suffer in is friends new found self-pity and Spock... Well.

People always had talked about the Vulcan genius being vulcan and everything; but now?

"Mr. Spock, do you have a romantic relationship with Cadet Kirk?"

"No."

"Mr. Spock, I heard that you and Jim Kirk are a couple now-"

"Your information are incorrect."

"Mr. Spock do you and Kirk fu-"

"I have work to do, excuse me."

If Spock had been completely human? He'd pushed James T. Kirk out of a high window long ago.

~TBC~


	2. Chapter 1: Sex Mad

Chapter 1: Sex Mad

[3075 words]

"Give up, Mr. Spock, because I won't." Jim sat on the bed of the Science Officer and grinned brightly.

Of course, when Spock walked down the corridors of the Academy buildings which led to his quarters the last thing he had expected was to meet James Kirk half way. Spock saw all the signs for 'run-and-never-turn-around' in Jim's gestures but hello, he was a Vulcan. Vulcans did not turn around and left because of _gut instincts_.

But apparently, it would have been less annoying if he had done so because now he had a cadet in his rooms who was way to comfortable around him. And his bed.

"You know, Spock, your room is pretty boring."

As if Spock could care. His rooms were practical, logical and impersonal; they fulfilled what they were made for. There was a computer console, a bed and a table, everything that was needed. The few things which were brought into this quarters by Spock when he moved in was a picture of his parents, a few typical vulcanic clothes (neatly folded in a wardrobe) and some other stuff only Vulcans could found a use for. But no matter how people would look at the room: It was decent and ordinary.

Of course until Jim Kirk started to bring _his_ stuff, too and put it everywhere.

Spock did not understand that odd behavior of the human but maybe there wasn't even a logical explanation for what Kirk did. _Humans. _Spock would never understand them completely. He could learn the languages and social rules and interact appropriate but he never would understand actions based on emotions. Like, stalking an Officer of Starfleet, break into his quarters, leave clothes, a toothbrush and ruin a neatly folded bed by sleeping in and cuddling with it when the bed wasn't your own.

"Why there would be a need for more personal and colorful quarters only for your liking when mentioned quarters are not yours but mine is beyond my knowledge."

Spock did not care too much about Kirks presence, though, because the man was maybe noisy, annoying and damaging to Spock's reputation but the Vulcan had been through worse situations when he was the First Commander aboard the U.S.S Enterprise.

...Metal guzzling space dust, for an example.

"Oh, c'mon! Don't tell me Vulcans don't like a warm and comfy room." Kirks smile turned a little lascivious but Spock didn't get why, exactly.

"My quarters are warmer then standard ones because Vulcans have a lower body temperature then humans therefore it is illogical to say Vulcans would not appreciate warmer surroundings. My rooms are functional for their purpose so it is also slightly incorrect to say they would not be 'comfy' ." He had to know that; he slept and meditated here every night. It wasn't as silent as his quarters at the Enterprise had been but that had nothing to do with the chambers but with their location.

"Would you like something to drink, cadet Kirk?" No, Spock did not try to throw Jim out. He tried that the first 65 times and it didn't work. Spock was able to learn and at some point Kirk _always_ asked for something to drink. Or, more specifically for 'a drink' which included alcohol but Spock never was willingly to give that to a 23-years-old male who showed symptoms of narcissism.

"Sure! I'd like a beer-"

"You can have water."

"-but you don't have some here, of course not." Jim pouted but it was more show then anything else. The cadet stood up, his usual grin still in place.

"You would think that since I'm here every free minute I can afford, Mr. Spock, that you got some beer for my visits."

Okay. Spock maybe wasn't so familiar with human behavior but he knew when someone threw an insult at him. Spock's right eyebrow rose and if he had been human he'd said something like 'Seriously?!'.

"Since I do not invite you to my quarters because I do not have the time nor the wish to interact with you every 'free second I can afford' I barely know when you will pay me the next visit. I could only guess on your arrival time and that is something Vulcans don't do. Furthermore, I do not have any place-" Which was a lie, "-or the possibility to get a refrigerator machine- " Which was another lie because he was a s_cience officer_, "-which makes it difficult to store the alcoholic drinks you always want. Additionally it also would not be wise for you to always get a drink when you pay my rooms a visit because it would get you drunk after 12.5 hours. Dr. McCoy would sympathize with my observations and if asked would tell you the same."

Kirks grin stayed all the time but when Spock mentioned the doctor it faded away in an instant.

"You're joking, right? Mr. Spock? You wouldn't tell Boney about it." His grin was back but not as confident as before. Spock found that pretty amusing, to say the least.

"Cadet Kirk. Vulcans do not 'joke'." Of course not. After that sentence Kirk shivered slightly at the thought of his best friend being informed of his self destroying actions by Mr. Spock. It would end his life in seconds. The doctor had way too many hyposprays for his own good. And Kirk's good.

"Well. I guess I'd have water, then." Said and done, Kirk took one of the glasses and the bottled water which stood on Spock's table .

For a moment Spock thought that maybe he had found something (or someone) he could use to scare the cadet away but when Kirk had his 'I-can-do-everything-and-everyone' aura back the Vulcan gave up completely. There was no escape in this. Of course, if he had tried with 100% and with physical force Kirk had had no chance but Spock was against violence as all Vulcans were-

_SPLASH._

He nearly changed his mind about the 'no violence' part when Kirk spattered him with his glass of water because the cadet _tripped over air_.

"Oh, sorry, Spock." The blond man said but his grin grew even wider then before. Spock got the impression that Jim Kirk wasn't sorry at all.

He sighed inwardly. He hadn't successfully meditated for a week now and with every action which happened around Spock it became harder to stop the emotions from breaking free.

"Cadet Kirk, I'd advise you to leave my quarters now. I have work which needs my full attention and as you maybe noticed: Your appearance does not help me to concentrated on it."

No. No, Spock was not surprised that Kirk made something erotic out of his words.

"So, my 'appearance' distracts you?" Spock sent a glare in Kirks direction without really glaring. His right eyebrow rose again but it was funny because the glare lost a lot of it's scorn, Spock being soaked, his uniform sticking to his chest, his hair being a mess.

_Ignore him, ignore him_, went through Spock's mind like a mantra. And that said everything about the emotional state he was in. The Vulcan stood straighter, putting his mask of stoic nothingness back on and folded his arms behind his back.

"Cadet Kirk, I demand that you leave my rooms now. If you still refuse to comply my request I see the necessity to call the Security Guards to come and sedate you."

It was an understatement to say that Kirk felt as if he had just walked against a wall. Or more like he walked towards a door, opened it with the right key but when he tried to push it open; it stayed closed.

"Oh hell, what did I do wrong this time?!" His visits always ended like that. He said or did something and then Spock would close up again totally as if they did not had their moments.

Kirk really liked to get an answer but everything that was thrown his way was icy silence and dark eyes which stared at him intensely.

Now it was Kirks turn to sigh deeply. The glass (now empty) he still held was put back on the table and somehow the cadet looked defeated.

His shoulders hung and a expression of shame covered his face.

"Spock, I never wanted to upset you, I just-" It was a shitty try of an explanation and Spock interrupted it anyway.

"I do not wish for you to visit me anymore. Leave." Maybe it was harsh but oh, the Vulcan did so not care. He was pretty patient but even he had his limits. Under normal circumstances he would not be impolite like he was now but... Well.

"Spock-" Kirks second attempt to defend his actions was interrupted by Spock's hand; by Spock himself who had enough. The Vulcan pushed Kirk towards the entry/exit in a fast and smooth motion, the door sliding open and suddenly Kirk found himself standing in the hallway. With an annoyed Vulcan standing in front of him like a solid ice berg, holding his shoulders pretty tight. Like, painfully tight.

"If you show up again in my quarters when not invited, cadet Kirk, I will not falter to call Security."

Okay, okay, Kirk could be dumb and an idiot but he was _not _completely self-destructive and no, it did not matter what Bones said about him. He knew when his life was in real danger and an angry Mr. Spock who squeezed him liked there was no tomorrow without any good intentions?

Kirk was sure that there would be bruises on his shoulder later on. Perfect. Now he had to go and see his best friend who would ask what happened and then-

He was shoved away again, stumbling backwards but caught himself before falling. Wish a silent 'sish' sound the door closed and Spock was gone. Kirk started at the blank metal for a moment, wondering when it all started to go to hell but eventually people started to stare at him. There were not many people around that place but a few anyway, those who lived in the Academy quarters, too.

Jim Kirk fled again.

Last thing he needed now were stares and whispers on why he was shoved out of Science Officer Spock's quarters by Mr. Spock himself...

~...~

Jim walked through the academy buildings, messaging his shoulders slightly, moving his joints in circles. They hurt badly after Spocks firm grip. His mind wandered towards the Vulcan Officer and he wondered what exactly caused the bad reaction. Okay, throwing water at the guy you're... wooing... (that still sounded weird because wooing was in Jim's opinion something only people in Jane Austins novels did) wasn't the best way to show respect and affection.

And the day was such a nice one. Now it was ruined by a thunder cloud above Jim's head, sending depressive waves of rain down at him.

When he left the building (Bones working place was on the other side of the campus) the sun shone at him irritatingly and a warm breeze as well as _fucking chirping birds_ hit him. No, the birds did not attack him, gosh, it was the sound that made him flinch. Why was everyone around him happy? And why had he himself to experience unreturned lovey-dovey feelings?

He walked through the perfect day, brooding, so the pitying glances of the other cadets around him who were outside enjoying the weather went unnoticed by him.

When Jim reached the buildings which included the medical section it didn't take long for his best friend to notice him. Jim stood in the entrance of the infirmary, looking lost and out of place; but had a painful face anyway. That was like a lamp for moths or honey for bees.

"God damn it, Jim, what happened now?! Did you get another flesh wound, bone fracture, space illness, or did you drink poison again?!" Doctor Leonard McCoy came his way, holding a hypospray just in case Jim would need it (he'll inject it anyway).

"Bones, calm down! And how often do I have to tell you that I didn't know that there's a drink with tropolisine in-!"

"I don't care. Hold still." And with that another hypo was injected into Jim's neck. He cursed.

"Bones, what the hell? Your medicine won't help me with bruises-"  
"Oh my god, what did you do?! Fought an angry Klingon?!" Bones said when he saw the colorful bruises on Jim's neck. He pulled the red uniform away, ripping at it to reveal he whole dimension of the injury.

"Bones, you're destroying my clothes! Hey!" Jim was dragged to a biobed and had to sit down. For Jim's liking, there were way too many people who manhandled him those days.

"I didn't fight against a Klingon, Bones. Just against Spock." He told his best friend while called friend let his instruments scan Jim over and over again but stopped instantly when he heard what the blond man had said.

"You're joking."

"Well, we didn't _fight_-"  
"NO, stop, don't tell me you actually seduced that pointy eared bastard already-"

"Unfortunately, no. But he got angry at me and threw me out." Kirk said frustrated with himself and his actions.

"He's pretty emotional for a Vulcan. Especially in the last few weeks. If he had been a girl and human I would have said he has his special time in a month but hell, I don't think Vulcans have shit like that." While Jim rambled on Bones tried to block the words out. The doctor was too old for that kind of conversations.

"And how did you get these damn bruises?!" Now, Jim glared at his best friend. Wasn't it obvious? The bruises even looked a little bit like hands.

"I just told you: Spock. Threw. Me. Out."

"Yeah, I got that the first time but that doesn't explain- Oh." Bones got it and god, he wished he wouldn't have.

"He threw you out, as in, _touching you at your shoulders and pushing you through the door_?" It was still an unbelievable situation to McCoy.

"Yep." And Jim, that little bastard, had the power to grin at him. Great. Bones life was fucked.

"Jim, that's SPOCK we're talking about. He's not just a Science Officer; he was also the First Officer at the U.S.S Enterprise and served under Christopher Pike. He is a professor at the academy, people respect him for his intelligence and logic. He's a Vulcan, for god's sake and-" Suddenly Bones trailed off. He remembered something. He stared at Jim, a small hint of knowing or more guessing snuck into his eyes.

"What?" Jim asked suspiciously. Bones looked as if he got the jackpot.

"_Pon Farr_." Yeah. Because weird words explained weird behavior of weird Vulcans. Sure. Happens all the time.

"Bones, do I have to remind you that I have no freaking idea what you're talking about?" Jim grinned sarcastic and hissed in pain when Bones pressed on his bruises. After that McCoy left the room grinning himself and when he returned after a few seconds (holding three differently colored hypos in his hands) he grinned even more.

"Jim, how old is Spock?"

The question startled the cadet. It was a little bit embarrassing that he didn't know exactly how old the Vulcan (the guy he fell for) was. He could only guess.

"Around my age, why?" Curiosity kills the cat; and makes Jim jittery. The blond man had no idea was his friend was talking about or what the point between weird words (_Pon Farr_) and Spock's age was. But then again he wasn't the doctor here, right? Maybe Spock was ill. Maybe 'Pon Farr' was a disease.

Bones hummed in agreement.

"You know, Pon Farr is something only Vulcans have. I just know about it because Doctor M'Benga told me a few things. There's like zero information in the federal data base about it but it's pretty important when it comes to reproduction." Kirk still stared at Bones as if a third eye grew on the mans forehead.

"Pon Farr is a mating ritual. Every seven years, Vulcan males and females become aroused. They undergo a blood fever, become violent, and finally die unless they mate with someone with whom they are emphatically bonded or engage in the ritual battle known as 'kal-if-fee'."

McCoy waited for an reaction but Jim's mind was blank. Everything **he** understood was, that, maybe Spock had this Pon Farr which would make him sex-mad and that Spock was SEX-MAD every seven years.

The sex seemed to be violent (nothing bad, if someone asked for Jim's opinion); and then Bones said something about fairies.

"What the hell have fairies to do with Spock's sex life?" He asked and yes, Bones' palm hit his face.

"That's everything you caught on? Really Jim? And I wasn't talking about fairies, I said 'kal-if-fee', the ritual battle on life and death when no fitting mate is available."

Somehow, Jim's mind liked the idea of Spock being sex-mad.

"So, Spock's sex-mad?" There was no way he could have kept THAT question inside his head. He was James Tiberius Kirk, after all, he had a reputation to safe.

"If you want to simplify it, then yes. You're in love with a male Vulcan _who also is your professor_ and who becomes sex-mad."

For Jim, that sounded like good times.

"If you want to know more about it, doctor M'Benga wrote an article about it. He didn't publish it but sent it to me." Bones grabbed one of his data pads, typing in a few words and then four sides of text opened. He handed it over to Jim who was distracted because of the newly received source of 'How-to-handle-a-SEX-MAD-Vulcan'.

Of course, that was the moment when Bones injected the three hypos to Jim's neck.

"God damn-!"  
"Shut up, Jim, you'll need those when you want to face a crazy Vulcan. I'd tell you not to go but..."

...They both knew Jim never was someone who gave things up easily, espacially not things which promised danger, violence and sex.

~TBC~


	3. Chapter 2: Start to lose your mind

**A/N: Took too long. My english sucks~ I apologise.**

**Now, if any one wants to leave a comment after that chapter; respect.**

**Have fun!**

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Chapter 2: Start to lose your mind

[2627 words]

Jim Kirk sat in a library.

Yes. No joke.

How it happened that Jim entered this place of knowledge when he could have been outside, doing what guys like him always did was kind of a lame story.

And somehow Bones fault.

~...~

"That's not pretty much information about Pon Farr, Bones. That barely covers the things you just told me and a lot of medical stuff I don't want to know anyway!" Jim said, frustrated. It took him just a few minutes to read the given text of M'Benga but really; it wasn't much.

"That's not my fault, Jim. And now that you're not injured, screw! Go away! People have work to do! Try the academical library, maybe you find some more there!" The doctor dragged Jim out of sickbay and again Jim wondered when people started to shove him around like hated vegetables on a plate.

~...~

So, yes. Bones fault.

Jim stared at the screen in front of him, wishing it away. The text he saw was long. Really LONG and written in small letters; criteria Jim normally used for deciding not to read an article. He liked articles with pictures which explained what ever happened. Why couldn't anyone give pictures on the sex life of Vulcans?

"Yeah, as if that would happen." Jim grinned to himself and gave up. He couldn't concentrate anyway. Not just because it was boring to read stuff about chemical reactions in Spock, even if that was the main reason, Jim also felt confident to figure Spock out on his own.

While shutting down the information system Jim decided that it was time for another visit. He was sure the Vulcan was calm again and maybe he would even talk to Jim about the Pon Farr thing. Because Jim didn't know much but one thing he knew for sure was that Spock did not have a wife. Nope. Which meant that he did not have someone to pair up with when that fever started. Which meant Spock could die.

Jim Kirk worried.

There were a lot things Jim was good in. There even were a few things he was absolutely unbeatable in (drinking games, hacking academical systems, looking handsome) but 'to worry' wasn't one of them. Most times it was him who had the crazy, dangerous and risky ideas and other people like Bones had to worry about his actions. It was... Irritating, to stand on the other side of the wall and to feel like Bones felt every time Jim tried to blow himself up and/or poison himself.

One thing was clear: Jim would try to be a little more careful now. Less flesh wounds, less bruises. It wasn't a surprise that Bones was cynical; losing his life because of that shitty divorce and then get a best friend who tried to get himself killed nearly every day...

Jim started to understand how much his reckless behavior had to strain Bones' emotional state. It was astonishing that the man hadn't had a heart attack yet.

Jim left the library conducted by his worries about Spock. He wanted to talk to the Vulcan and maybe even be rational and logical; because it WOULD be logical of him to offer help.

The weather outside was still beautiful and Jim still was annoyed by that. He had no sense for flowers and birds; all he wanted was a solution for Spock.

And maybe a sandwich.

When his stomach rumbled he turned directions, away form the library halls towards the many restaurants around the Starfleet academy. It was near to one o'clock and Jim's breakfast had been around seven AM. If an apple and a coffee-to-go could be called 'breakfast', really.

The restaurants were crowded, people getting in, leaving, screaming orders and Jim wondered how it was possible for the people who worked in those places to get everything right.

Jim entered a shop he often visited because of it's flair. The shop itself was very small, barely seen from outside but very comfortable. There were desks with real and always fresh flowers on it (not just flowers from earth, though), made of wood; the chairs were soft and fluffy, the whole room felt like a bed. Yes, a bed. Warm and nice and no one wanted to leave it. Jim smiled at that.

The shop sold coffee and most importantly it was NORMAL coffee. No cream on it, no weird flavor, nothing, just black coffee, with milk and sugar if requested.

As always a lot of desks were free when Jim stood in front of the counter ordering a coffee and a sandwich. And because he wanted to live healthier he also got himself a salad, making the girl behind the counter stare at him in playful shock.

"A salad? Are you sick, Kirk?"

The red haired woman looked skeptical. She was the owner of the cafe named Lucy's and also the only one of Jim's female and friendly acquaintances he never had sex with.

"Na. Just thought Bones is probably right about my health." Jim shrugged when Lucy handed him his coffee.

"Yeah. Funny. Next thing you tell me is that you like your coffee cold and with caramel in it." When Jim didn't reply Lucy's eyebrows rose in wonder.

"You're serious." She said, giving Jim his order, resting her head on her hand.

"No, really, Captain Obvious?" Kirk answered and waved at Lucy when he left the shop again, carrying his sandwich which his mouth while holding coffee and packed up salad.

While he was chewing on his food (which wasn't replicated and was way better because of that) his mind went of, wandering, wrapping around ideas and thoughts. If someone had tried to draw Jim's inner state right now it would have looked like a finger painted picture of a 3-years-old.

The sun outside burned holes into Jim and he saved himself under a few trees, sitting down at a bench. He hated such sunny days.

He consumed his lunch (which again, wasn't a real one, anyway) and he sighed deeply, several times. He came to the conclusion that it only was a matter of time before he would start to lose his mind utterly. All the Vulcans-have-Pon-Farr-and-Jim-Is-In-Love shit wasn't made for him.

But everything had to change, eventually.

It was like lightning when another idea hit him hard; _Vulcans_. Plural. Of course, that was the answer to the question on what to do about Spock. Paying a visit, okay, one chance, but highly possible to fail. So, the other thing he could do was to ask another Vulcan.

Of course, just if Spock refused to tell him. Which was, as stated before, very likely. And on the other side: Where could he find another Vulcan who was willingly to tell him things about something as personal as the Pon Farr? God, Jim's previous life had been easier. No Spock, no love. He could go insane.

Jim followed all the people with his eyes, all the cadets, officers and captains who walked through the small park. They were laughing and talking and seemed to have lots of fun. A bitter ball of emotions formed in Jim's stomach region and he stared at the salad. Why again did he buy that thing? His sandwich was gone and now he dumped the salad in the bucket next to him.

"Stupid spring." Because no one was alone these days, really. Couples everywhere and Jim swore if he heard one more ridiculous pet name he was going to scream.

Jim didn't know what to do. He wanted to visit Spock pretty badly and try to solve their problem; he could stop being a jerk and woo Spock properly and maybe then they could-

But how high was the chance that Spock of all people could ever find him 1. attractive and 2. love him? Jim was a stupid choice. He was illogical, emotional, arrogant, aggressive; he was everything bad of the human race. And of course, it was impossible for him and Spock to ever get children. Not that Jim wanted some. Nope. He was sure, completely sure, that he would even more suck as a father then as a partner.

Okay.

Jim could get his own doubts and sorrows in line, that was easy. He did that a lot; no one wanted to know his real problems except for Bones. He could suppress his own feelings just as well as any Vulcan, get his head out of his ass and ihelp Spock/i.

He could find a nice way to be... well, nice. He'd find someone who could help Spock with his Pon Farr, a reasonable person. Someone who was good for the science officer and not bad as Jim. And maybe Jim could find someone for himself who wasn't out of reach.

"I could ask Uhura!" Came another brilliant idea. It really was something he could do because he knew that Spock and Uhura had had a relationship not long ago. They broke up, yes, but he could ask the communication officer anyway, if she knew stuff about Spocks mental state.

~...~

"You're crazy, Kirk, I always knew that, but _seriously_?! That's a whole new level of craziness, even for you!" Lieutenant Uhura stood, her arms crossed, in front of Jim, her face showing shock and anger. She stared at Jim as if he was a little, stupid child who wanted to know on how to blow up the house without ruining the garden.

"Uhura, I know we had our differences-"

"I'm still not going to tell you how to find Spock a _sex-partner_."

Well, his idea hadn't sounded that ridiculous in his own mind.

"I know you hate me, okay? But think about Spock! He's going to die if we don't find someone-"  
"He's not in his Pon Farr Kirk, just because he hates you." That was Uhura's point since they started talking. She thought that Jim was an idiot (he wasn't one, thank you!) and that just because Spock threw him out wouldn't mean the Vulcan experienced Pon Farr.

It simply meant Spock couldn't stand Kirk.

"Gosh, Uhura, I asked Bones about it!" No, that was wrong. "Actually, it was his idea! He said that..." Oh damn, Jim's attention span was damaged. What again did Bones say about Spocks health?

Jim looked helplessly at Uhura, trying to remember the words of the Doctor but failed.

Uhura raised her eyebrows, arms still crossed and sighed.

"Kirk, even if it was Dr. McCoy's idea it still could be wrong. First, he didn't see Spock himself. Second, he's not a specialist for Vulcan physiology and psychologies, so he probably wouldn't know even if he saw Spock-"

"And if I can make Dr. M'Benga examine Spock? Would you believe me then and help find a solution for it?" Kirk looked at Uhura, his eyes intense.

Lieutenant Uhura never liked Jim Kirk much. He was an arrogant bastard who joined Starfleet just to prove he was better then his father who died but saved 400 peoples lives. Kirk flirted with everyone who wore a skirt and even with a few other men. He didn't care about much but himself.

Weird, but a surprise that Kirk wanted to help Spock of all people. Uhura wondered when Kirk started to be serious about his crush on the Vulcan... She heard of the rumors that James T. Kirk fell in love for real but didn't believe a word. It was Kirk they were talking about. She thought that it was a cruel plan of the cadet to annoy Mr. Spock and get himself more girls who tried to comfort him because of his unreturned love.

The thought of serious love never occurred to her until Kirk came and asked for advice on what to do about an emotional compromised Vulcan. But, and that was something Kirk still had to learn, Spock iwasn't/i emotional compromised. Vulcans just never showed emotions. The thing was, they still could get angry with you without telling you directly and it always was a disaster.

She knew what she was talking about, she fell in love with the professor before and knew how hard it was.

She sighed again.

"Purely hypothetical, okay? Let's say you are right and Spock does have his Pon Farr. I don't think finding someone he can have sex with would be enough." Jim blinked. After everything he knew that was everything Spock needed.

"Just sex won't help him," Uhura continued, "because Pon Farr isn't only a physical process. He needs to bond with someone through a mind melt while the Pon Farr happens and that bond... I'm not sure but as much as I know it can not be broken."

Jim's mind had a few problems to understand what Uhura tried to tell him here and not just because he had not idea what she meant with 'mind melt'.

"You mean it's like marriage without divorce?"

"Exactly."

**~...~**

Jim wanted to jump of a bridge. Or swim with sharks. Or whatever, really, but he did not want to face a special someone.

It was now two days ago since he had talked to Uhura and his life was more normal without him stalking Spock. Yep. He went to his classes and learned and ate and met up with Scotty and Chekov and Sulu and Bones, he slept at night and was on the run while day; he did what a person who was part of the Starfleet academy in San Francisco would do when nothing was wrong.

Of course, he still wanted to help Spock but M'Benga just left the academy. A week before Bones had handed him this stupid article the Doc had left earth as chief medical officer to get to the starbase 47. The examination Kirk wanted to prove to Uhura that Spock experienced Pon Farr couldn't be done now. Uhura didn't believe him and hadn't helped him with further investigations. Jim had no idea what to do about the Vulcan, didn't see him since his last visit and found no single Vulcan in the whole universe who was willing to tell him anything.

It was all great.

And now, after two days of silence from his side he couldn't stand it anymore. He had no idea how Spock was; if his situation got worse or better, if Spock was sick, had Pon Farr or what-the-hell-ever.

A solution for this complicated situation still wasn't in sight. Oh, such a fucked up situation. It would have been funny, totally, except that it was not. Because Spock could die, Jim tried to be a grown up and Bones still got his headaches.

A world of up side downs, seriously. Jim was in love with Spock without knowing him. That's how it was. What did Jim Kirk know about that Vulcan? Hybrid, dark, dark eyes, awesome voice, prof and science officer, logical, loved his mother but would never say that out loud. Spock was kind and nice, he was truthful and polite. He never would hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. The Vulcan could recite the whole book of Starfleet rules. He was awesome in 3D-chess.

Jim loved Spock and it was such a hilarious relationship, it made even Bones laugh.

And kick Jim's ass until he faced Spock again. Which led to the situation Jim was in right now, standing in front of a special science officer's quarters, holding ridiculous smelling flowers in his hands. He had no idea why he should apologize but he felt like he had to, for ignoring Spock the last two days.

He knocked on the cold metal door.

~TBC~

* * *

**A/N: So sorry it took so long to translate/re-write this and that it turns out so... boring. Just a lot of thoughts and emotions from Jim's side. Where did the romance and humor go? No idea. He. **

**And only around 2600 words... I'm no goood in writing this. But I won't give up 'caus it's improving my english anyway.**


	4. Chapter 3: All about feelings

Chapter 3: All about feelings

[3013words]

It had been a long time since Jim last had butterflies in his stomach. It felt as if it had been in another life when everything was easy and it wasn't a matter of _love_, just the question of _do you __**like**__ like me?_ and nothing more. A kiss on the cheek, holding hands, blushing slightly... One thing Jim would never knew was when the moment had been he had left his teenage years behind.

Sometimes he wasn't completely sure he left them behind, though, because his hands were sweating and his heart skipped so many beats it was a surprise Jim's blood still flowed. He had knocked on Mr. Spocks door three times now but nothing was happening. A stupid metal door in front of him, closed and solid and Jim was sure that if there could be an intercultural sign for 'I'm-ignoring-you-because-I-am-angry/emotional unstable/pissed/everything at once!' a closed door would be perfect for that.

Thing was, Jim ignored such signs, like, always.

"Mr. Spock, c'mon and open your door. I am not here to... go on your nerves or anything, okay? I just want to talk!" It was the truth but the door wouldn't open. Also, with every second he stood in the hallway the possibility rose that someone who knew him saw him, all flowers and pleading for entry. Well, his reputation was damaged anyway because of all the rumors (which weren't just rumors, right, because they were true) but it would be embarrassing for him nevertheless.

God, he knew Bones' advice to apologize wouldn't work. Why again did he listen to the man when it came to relationships? Bones had no idea how to successfully be in a romantic relationship, remember, because the guy was divorced and fled into the space afterwards.

Jim leaned his forehead against the door, sighing again. He was frustrated.

"Spock." His voice sounded weepy when his fist throbbed against the metal door over and over again.

"Open up, please, I need to know if you're alright." But that seemed to be irrelevant. Jim started to hate himself for falling in love with such a mystery. How was it even possible that no one knew anything about Vulcans? How was is possible when Vulcans had been friends with earth and Starfleet since what felt like forever? How could they know as little as they did? Maybe it was just Jim and his lack of knowledge.

"Spooock, I-uhmpf!" Jim tried again to get to Spock when suddenly the metal door wasn't there anymore to support his head, sliding open with that 'woosh' sound again.

He stumbled forwards, nearly falling to the ground but instead smashing into a wall-

Spock.

For a second Jim's face lit up, his usual smile was back but then the science officer shoved him away and this time it definitely was a wall which hit Jim. The flowers Jim brought looked like smashed salad and _that was unfair_. He threw them to the ground. He tried to be nice here and no matter what was happening to Spock; killing innocent flowers just wasn't nice.

"Hey you ignorant jerk, those were meant to be a gift for you because I wanted to apologize! Now I have two more bruises on me which makes bruised shoulders and back because of you and you destroyed the flowers! What the hell is going on with you, huh?!" Jim's emotions always had been some kind of a rollercoaster. He could be the grown up and carry responsibility (he wanted to become Captain after all) but even at some point unknowing and emotional discomfort (_unreturned love_) could make him snap. It just wasn't fair that Jim had to live like a pilot while blind flight.

Jim crossed his arms in defense or attack, he wasn't sure, and tried to get a start, anything, form Spock that would give him the right to bitch and act like a child. The Vulcan, however, looked like he just ate a whole lemon with the juice and the skin and stayed silent. Which didn't help to get Jim back to being a grown up because_ he had been shoved into a wall __**again**_.

"Hey, what the hell? Answer me, Spock." Jim demanded and wondered when his 'I-want-to-apologize-and-try-to-help-Spock' mission transformed into a 'How-to-make-Spock-angry' one. Anyway, Jim stood and stared and Spock just stood because since the door opened it seemed that Spock wasn't able to look at him; something that was somehow understandable because Spock's facial expression was sour (remember the lemon the Vulcan ate) and his body language was stiff and icy. Signals which clearly showed discomfort.

Jim sighed, counting to ten in his head. He needed to do this correctly, right? If he wanted Spock to accept help.. And.. WHATEVER.. Jim needed to be rational.

He could do that. No big deal, he was rational all the time. Like, that accident in his childhood when he drove that car from that cliff? Hey, all about rational thinking, dude.

_How on earth _was he supposed to fool **Spock **if he couldn't even fool _himself_?

"Mr. Spock, listen to what I have to say, right, and if you still want me to leave afterwards then I'll go. Please." Was what Jim said eventually and walked away from the wall which had still been in his back. Jim looked for a place to sit down on. This was going to be a though talk, all emotional and so, so _gay_ and with that he didn't mean _weird odd bizarre_ just that it was a talk between him and Spock and it was about love and sex and-

It was that moment that Jim noticed the condition of the room.

"Oh." Was everything he got out. The room was a mess. It looked as if a mob of crazy tribbles run through it and nibbled at the desk, the bed, the floor itself, the doors, the walls, the computer console; the window for god's sake had cracks, too.

Whatever had walked through Spock's quarters it didn't left anything untouched.

"What... happened?" Jim looked at Spock who looked embarrassed, just slightly, but the signs were there. Small lips, pressed together, not catching Jim's eyes, the pose...

"That's '_kal-if-fee_', I guess." Jim said and it was a simple statement. It was the logical thing to assume so here he was, finally had his prove that Spock was in Pon Farr but he definitely didn't feel any better about the whole mess which was his life.

Jim needed to sit down more then ever and because of the lack of a chair (where had the chair gone, really, it had been there when Jim last visited) he sat down at the small bed which was damaged, yes, but not destroyed. The pillow and blanket showed it's inner lining and the sheets were ripped apart but the mattress was whole.

Jim observed Spock who still stood in the entrance of the quarters, flowers next to him on the ground. The situation reminded Jim of his own school years because the Vulcan looked as if he was standing in the 'Shame-over-your-head!' corner of the classroom.

"So, Spock..." He had to start somewhere, "It would be awesome if you could listen to what I'm going to say here. I'm not going to say anything twice." Jim pointed a finger in Spocks direction, just playing for time so he could find a way to really really start this surely one-sided conversation.

He didn't even get a reaction out of Spock and was sure that the science officer ignored him on purpose.

"You probably think I shouldn't be here and that it would be better if I stayed away for sure because I am a clueless, emotional and annoying human. You don't even like me so you're also probably right about the emotional and annoying part but I am not clueless. I actually know what happens to you and I decided that I won't take things personal you're throwing at my way, like, throwing me out or so because I like you and I am illogical. Deal with it." At this part Spock's eyebrows rose and Jim booked it as a success.

"The thing you're experiencing is called Pon Farr and I know as much about it as is possible without being a Vulcan yourself. I want to help you even I don't know how or if I can, though, so it would be pretty much awesome of you to tell me more about it. If you wonder why I want to help I could tell you a lot of logical reason: You're a danger for the people around you, just look at your quarters, if you don't get help soon you'll die and no one wants that because if you die the academy loses one of it's best professors here. Also, you're a science officer and Commander which makes you important to a lot of things inside Starfleet. I could tell you all of that and it'd be true but to be sincere I don't give a shit about your statues in Starfleet and that your research is important because the only reason I'm here? Is because I _care _about you. _A lot_. All I want is to help you get over this." Jim had to take in his breath but it seemed to be more difficult then usual. This was harder then he thought it would be.

Jim never had been good in emotional matters. Never knew how to express deep statements let alone any other expression which weren't related to his awesomeness or sex. He couldn't even tell Bones how glad he was that the doctor was his friend; Jim bought alcohol and smiled a lot and that was how he showed his gladness. He wasn't the type who talked all day long. Shoot now, ask later.

Jim wished it would be possible for him to _show_ Spock how he felt. Take action instead of talking himself into trouble. But, Jim just knew that it wouldn't be wise nor helpful to kiss the Vulcan now, nor would it?

"I, I have no idea of vulcanic philosophy or any conventions but I think even I could manage to not screw up everything. That's why I am here, Spock. I beg you you tell me what I need to know to help properly." Jim stared at Spock who just stood there, staring back without looking at Jim at all. It wasn't a reaction, far from that, but there was that tremor, an awkward tension in the air... Jim got the feeling that Spock tried to lock him out and failed utterly. Nevertheless, the Vulcan didn't do anything. Jim wouldn't be Jim if he let himself be unmotivated by that. Maybe Spock didn't hear him but okay, that was unlikely because Vulcans couldn't overhear anything but it could be that Jim's words were so strange that Spock didn't believe them.

Jim was going to change that. Soon. Quickly.

Maybe he should have been angry at Spock for being ignored (because Jim loved to be in the center of attention, everyone knew that) but he just wasn't. He understood Spock. Jim wasn't very authentic when it came to love affairs and talking about emotions, real ones.

He decided it would be awesome of him if he told Spock what he planned to do. Even if he didn't plan anything concrete.

But that monolog of his didn't seem to do anything, obviously, Spock wasn't ready to lay his own feelings and thoughts open so maybe pure, human emotions would work better.

"Spock." Jim glanced at the the science officer, the stiff shoulders, the frozen posture... He wanted to touch Spock and take that tension away but it was highly possible that touching Spock would only make it worse.

He stood up from the bed and made a few steps in Spock's direction who still avoided eye contact and who still stood near the quarters' entrance. With every step Jim took Spock's body language changed slightly from frozen to strained to aggressive.

Suddenly a small voice in Jim's head appeared, telling him _run run run run last chance, you idiot_ to leave because this was going to be something very different from everything Jim had ever experienced. A whole new way of life if he was going to touch Spock now.

Jim wouldn't back of. No running away for him. He wasn't the type who run away, never; he more was the kind of person who came when situations became dicey.

His hand came to rest on Spock's shoulder.

No reaction. Jim didn't hit the next wall. What a surprise.

Instead Spock's body language changed from the earlier aggressiveness to the vivacity of a cemetery stone. Jim could swear the Vulcan stopped breathing and he needed to find a way to get to Spock, to make him calm down and snap out of the ice statue mode, all at once. Jim then wondered why the science officer even had opened the door if he wasn't ready to face Jim's human behavior, yet. He also needed to calm down himself, because he was touching Spock and Spock was a touch telepath so the logical thing to do was to Calm. Down. And then Spock would, too.

Emotions and feelings were circling inside Jim's head and if he wanted Spock to react he had to bring them out. He actually knew what he had to do to get an reaction. He just didn't like the idea of triggering Spock because the Vulcan wouldn't like it.

Jim stopped the stupid thinking. This was, exactly, about feelings. And not about logic.

"Look at me. Please." His voice was soft and pleading and the second Spock finally looked up and into the blue oceans was enough for Jim to catch and hold the Vulcan. Jim's hand moved from the top of the shoulders to their side, caressing the fabric of the science uniform. While that happened Jim lost himself in the deep darkness of Spock's eyes and yes, he was pretty shocked by that. How weepy.

Then the moment of hold breathes and staring broke and Jim could end the action he was about to start.

Jim leaned forward and pressed his lips slightly against Spocks and _oh my god_ that definitely was a spark jumping between them. The kiss was chaste and simple and Spock didn't return it but that was okay for Jim because the kiss wasn't meant to do more then deliver feelings.

"Remember when I said that you're destroying me reputation? That wasn't a joke because since that day all I can think of is you." Yes, yes Jim sounded horribly cheesy. Like a bad phrase in a romantic novel.

Jim didn't kiss Spock again but he went in for a hug, resting his head in Spock's neck and breathing in the scent. _Spock smells like science and space and something undefinable and inherent that is just him_.

And then, finally, thank god, Spock's shoulders relaxed and the tension started to drain out of him. Jim could feel it and a grin grew on his face. Hugging people always helped. He should hug Bones more often.

"You're with me Spock?" But instead of a verbal answer he felt two arms wrapping around him and Spock's head leaning against his. Weirdly enough Jim knew it meant Spock finally was with him.

If Spock had had any doubts about Jim's reasons he ranked them as 'inappropriate' the moment the human hugged him. Of course, in Spock's opinion Kirk still didn't know what happened, what he got himself into but that was fine. For that moment it was fine because the kiss? Was the first thing since his meditations had failed to calm his vibrating nerves. It was... reassuring and selfish, Spock knew that.

He never would have compared Jim Kirk's body temperature and his heartbeat to a meditation, though, but it seemed to do the job just as good.

Spock also was pretty sure that James Tiberius Kirk had to be at least a little bit insane to hug an unstable Vulcan. The hug was pretty badly to get his emotions back in the pot and the kiss, well, the **kiss**...

Let's say Spock decided he wouldn't let Kirk go now because the body heat felt amazing and he was fascinated by every spark of emotion coming from the cadet. Spock was exited even if the feelings were new and unfamiliar. But that wasn't a problem, really, because 'new and unfamiliar' had been his main reasons to join Starfleet instead of the Vulcan Science Academy. (Aside from the fact that those arrogant chairmen insulted his mother and his biological heritage.)

Spock was curious and that's why he hugged Kirk back. He wasn't able to kiss back because that had been the moment in which his brain crashed and burned and reacting was hard without a functional brain. He wasn't used to be without a brain. It felt weird.

He didn't know if this was what he wanted **_YES _**or if all of this happened because of his Pon Farr and the fact that he did not have a wife or any person to go though the fever with. Or maybe it was just Jim's scent. Could have been both, too.

Truth was his body screamed and needed more of whatever he needed and apparently it was Jim's touch he needed. Who would have guessed that. It was that moment that Spock realized that he had to be even deeper into the Pon Farr then he thought he was.

In the next moment a fire of something indefinable blazed up and Spock also decided that he didn't care.

Jim Kirk was pretty much surprised and shocked out of his mind when very hot vulcan lips were pressed against his. Seemed as if Spock wasn't up for a romantic novel but more for an erotic novel. Again, who would have guessed that?

~TBC~


	5. Chapter 4: A doctor not a shrink

Chapter 4: A doctor not a shrink

[2719 words]

Jim tried frantically to keep his mind with him, to stop his awareness from packing suitcases but he failed miserably. He wasn't able to do anything else, really, because there was just that light in his head, glowing and spreading warmth. If not for Spock's arms which held him he definitely would have crumbled down already, unconscious. His head was empty and god, he couldn't remember anything that ever had felt so good.

While Jim fought against falling to the ground (his knees were pudding, seriously) the Vulcan seemed to be a few steps ahead of everything, making a plan because suddenly Jim was pushed through the room. For a second he thought that, finally, there was the wall again, his good friend the wall, but no; Spock walked with him. Into the direction of the bed. Huh.

The next second Jim wasn't near the bed, he was on it and his shirt was ripped apart.

"Hey, that was my uniform!" He complained but Spock ignored him, growling instead. Everything else Jim might have wanted to say died in his throat when he saw the intensive dark eyes, gleaming. Jim felt like prey and that was fine because he probably was right now. And he was totally okay with it, too, that was the weirdest part.

Spock climbed on the bed and settled on top of Jim's hips, looking hungry. Like a wolf. Who hadn't had food for over a year.

Before Spock got the opportunity to rip Jim's undershirt, too, he pulled it off, his hands up in a soothing gesture.

"Slowly tiger!" Jim said and then threw the shirt to the ground were it landed unnoticed.

Maybe Jim didn't think it was possible that Spock looked even more passionate but he was obviously wrong because when his chest was free and there to touch; well, Spock did.

And god, how did the Vulcan touch him. With everything. Hands roaming over Jim's skin, searching for something that clearly wasn't there and only slightly making contact. Lips caressing his abs with butterfly-like kisses and again Jim felt like a wimp but he couldn't care less. Those kisses did a lot to his southern regions, seriously. Until that moment he had been up on his elbows, looking at Spock but when those hands held him down and it seemed as if the Vulcan was bathing in Jim's presence, in his pure being and kissing and licking his way across that chest Jim's mind blew up and he went down, throwing his head in the pillow behind him, moaning. Definitely an overload of sensations.

He had a hard time breathing and it was so utterly attractive to be manhandled by Spock when no wall was involved (even if wall sex had it's own charm) that he was hard in seconds. His pants never had been that tight, he was sure, and he had to get rid of them. He was about to tell Spock that but the science officer knew it already, taking Jim's pants of roughly. They weren't ripped apart, though, and Jim was thankful for that.

He waited for the next step of their activity but for a few moments nothing happened. Jim opened his eyes again and was met by a staring Vulcan whose eyes tracked every movement of the muscles, probably mesmerizing every part of the naked body in front of him and Jim shuddered at that. It was hot to be in the center of attention like that.

Within a second Jim was pressed back into the mattress and caught of guard with a fierce kiss. His wrists were held down next to his head and Jim flinched away because the grip surely would leave bruises; surely was i_meant to leave bruises_/i. That Jim had flinched away, though, just led to a even firmer grip on him. Spock deepened the kiss too, and all that was left of those butterfly-like kisses was a distant memory.

Jim felt like blushing would be appropriate but he couldn't because this was love and Pon Farr (didn't say that article that Pon Farr could last a few i_days_/i, he had to go to his lectures, fuck) and awesomely sex. When Spock bit him and left a mark on his throat and then another one on his chest Jim knew he had no chance of leaving this before it was over. Not that he wanted but hell, no one knew he was here with Spock. He would have to send Bones a massage that the doctor could excuse him in his classes because he was 'sick'.

The thought was banished from Jim's head again when Spock finally decided that, for sex, it was required that both partners were naked. Soon, another Starfleet uniform hit the ground.

"You are fascinating." Spock said and his i_**voice**_/i was unbearable rough and husky. Jim's hands started to wander that chest up and down but then they were stopped and pushed back onto the mattress with a growl. But now instead of holding the wrists Spock entangled his fingers with Jim's while holding the stare he got from the cadets blue eyes. Spock's own were acute, slicing through every mask Jim ever had put on, seeing truth for truth, seeking for them to be revealed, slashing Jim apart with his dark glances.

"Love me, Spock." Were the last words which came out of James Tiberius Kirk's mouth for a long while.

~...~

Somewhere in between the last few hours (or days? Weeks? He had no idea) Jim managed to get away from Spock and send Bones a message which included why exactly he was ill and that please, excuse me, would you, and tell people I am so really, really sick I refused to let anyone visit me, okay?

To be true Jim had no idea if his friend received the message because he got no reply. But then, it wasn't that Jim could have waited for one with that sneaky Vulcan sneaking up on him and dragging him back to bed.

~...~

If anyone asked Jim, Pon Farr was great.

A passionate time with so much more then just sex; Jim hadn't known exactly what happened when Spock's hand landed on his face, really, but it was amazing. The Vulcan didn't explain a thing to him but Jim knew that it was alright, the strange bond which formed between them in the last three days in which they hadn't done anything else then- well. No one interrupted them and that was weird but maybe Bones got his message after all and arranged that.

Three days. Fuck.

Jim thought but the lazy grin on his face didn't leave. How could it? He had spent nearly three days in bed with the person he adored, having mind blowing sex and some kind of a vulcan marriage if he got the information right. The bond they shared showed him a few things from Spock's mind and explained the nature of what they were doing, what was going on; and Jim was okay with that. i_Mind melt_/i was the word for it. He was never going to complain about anything in those three days. He loved every minute of it even when he was absolutely exhausted.

Slowly Jim woke up, realization sinking in completely. The dream world made of him and Spock faded away. His surroundings became more then just a few blurred images and sensations: The soft fabric of the blanket which covered Jim, the fluffy pillow under his head. The sun shining through the window of the Vulcan's room, tickling Jim's nose. Jim's sore but relaxed muscles when he stretched himself, legs and arms and torso. A sound of contentment slipped through his lips while he was grinning like an idiot, too. He was so tired, god, he really was, but he knew that that was about to happen when he agreed to all the Pon Farr stuff. Jim was sure that he was also covered in bruises and bite marks and other thing which would show everyone that this cadet was claimed; by now he was sure that he was seriously mentally disturbed, every doctor not just Bones would agree to that. Who else would love to get injuries during sex like he did?

If he was sincere he had expected Spock to be a rough lover.

That the Vulcan wasn't anywhere near him when he woke up, well, that was something he also had expected, as sadly as it was. He had hoped that it wouldn't be the case, in the end, but it was because Spock was out of sight. Jim blinked his eyes open and while the question _where is Spock if not in bed next to me?_ Still lingered in his head a new one appeared as soon as Jim saw the room.

Which was cleaned up. And neatly organized again.

"Who cleaned the room?" He mumbled into the silence of the quarters and sat up in bed. The floor was tidy, the desk was whole, the door to the bathroom who was open and broke before was replaced by a new one (how else would someone repair a cracked door, right?), the computer console was fine and buzzed peaceful and even the destroyed windows were no longer shattered. And then, _of course_, the freaking chair was back. Magic, magic.

Jim would have loved to lay in this bed for eternity and he surely would have managed but the grade of his 'I'm-still-asleep!' phase was small and so he yawned a last time, stretching again (and noticing that he was, in fact, completely naked and is clothes weren't anywhere to be seen) when the front door of the rooms opened.

Spock entered the quarters, again his flawless self, looking at Jim when he noticed the cadet was awake. Jim stared back, a little bit blissful and a little bit wary. It was only logical to assume that Spock had cleaned the room while Jim was had been asleep and the Vulcan looked like the fresh morning himself; two things which made Jim wonder how long, exactly, Spock already was awake. And how long he himself had slept.

"Morning." He said and was attempted to fall back into bed and sleep when he saw Spock's icy expression. Dreams would be nicer then reality, if the fact that Spock wore his black professors uniform instead of the blue science uniform was any indication to go by.

"Indeed." That was a pretty lame reply even for a grown up Spock but typical for an emotional compromised Vulcan after Pon Farr, seriously.

Then, suddenly, Jim wasn't sure of his actions anymore... He wanted to help Spock through his 'special time every seven years' but if he was sincere with himself all what he did was having sex with Spock and some weird mind mixing. He had no idea what really had happened because he had been distracted by a vulcan mouth... Not that Jim regretted anything because as he said, he didn't but Spock on the other hand? Straight shoulders, hands behind his back, cold look? Yeah. Shit. The Vulcan totally regretted it.

A pretty tense silence stretched between them and didn't even leave when Jim had to yawn again. The blanket in his lap was warm but his bare torso wasn't and he had that stupid coldness creeping into him. He could swore that the coldness came from Spock.

"Cadet Kirk." Huh. Jim thought they had left the titles and last names behind them, well, you know, when they started have wild sex. But as apparently he thought wrong. He felt the urge to say something but what could he said? Nothing, really. Because the science officer didn't look like he wanted to talk; it seemed more like Spock wanted Jim to vanish. Jim would have gladly done that (he could always come back later on) but then, his clothes still were gone.

"Cadet Kirk, It would be appreciated if you could leave my quarters now." Spock made a few steps directed to the bed but Jim couldn't do more then raise an eyebrow. The Vulcan tried to throw him out again. That was ironic. Normally it was Jim who threw girls out; he never would have thought that one day he'd be the person to be thrown out. Life was funny, sometimes.

Spock kept his eyes on Jim but not in a 'Please,-more-sex' way but in a 'why-is-that-disgusting-thing-in-my-bed?' way. It was a sign for Jim's madness that he couldn't care less if Spock wanted him to be gone. He wanted to stay, Spock's opinion didn't really matter. A ball of unknownfeelings_ possession obsession jealousy_ formed in Jim's stomach and he became angry, in the blink of an eye.

"But I don't want to." Jim said and his voice was low and dangerous and so, so mad. He sounded like a serial killer, really, and it was _weird_ that it felt right to be angry and right to bitch at Spock and to challenge him.

"Cadet Kirk." Spock said that with an even colder tone but still, Jim couldn't bring himself to care. The guy he loved and wanted and adored and just had sex with was throwing him out? Forget it. No way. He decided he wouldn't go and laid back again, covering himself with the blanket but never cutting the eye contact with Spock. He even had the courage to grin arrogant.

Which was a bloody stupid idea.

The blanket was ripped away from him, leaving him exposed and he was dragged up from the bad by vulcan strength. Spock yanked Jim through the room towards the chair on which clothes were, neatly folded, and then let go of his wrist.

"Dress, cadet Kirk and then leave. I do not wish you to be here when I return."

To sum it up, Spock left within seconds, Jim's shattered heart on the ground. He stood there, naked, broken and wondered when it all started to go to hell and what exactly he did wrong this time. He remembered asking himself that three days ago when Spock first had thrown him out by physical force.

He dressed up because... Well, because what else could he do without a heart?

~...~

Jim's mind was a whirl of emotions and he couldn't keep them from coming up, screaming and hurting him. Nevertheless the tears from inside, tears of rage and hate and love stayed locked up for as long as he needed it. When he walked through the corridors of the academy and random people greeted him, asking if he was well again all he could do was grinning like a fool and nodding. His voice, though, was gone. If he would have said anything to anyone the waves would have crashed above him and killed him.

The way back to his own rooms was like a torture, he damned the sun, the life, the chirping birds, without knowing that he did. His mind and body were too numb but hurt endlessly at the same time. How could his life be a pathetic TV show? Humor and the romance and a little bit porn until at the end there comes the break down and a totally handsome guy became a cheesy wimp?

Maybe Bones would know how to fix his television- wait, his _life_.

~...~

Bones doubted a lot of decisions Jim made in his life and the moment he received as message form his best friend he started to doubt his own ability of making decisions, too.

'Pon Farr is on, Bones, could you excuse me and Spock from all duties for the next few days? ;D – Jim'.

He had to lie for Jim and okay, Bones could manage that. The images of Spock- and of Jim- that was stuff he could handle with a lot of scotch and coffee, he could thank you, he was a doctor after all.

The thing he _couldn't_ manage, though, was a brokenhearted James Tiberius Kirk sitting in sickbay and crying his eyes out because "he dumped me, Bones, after we had three days of pure awesomeness and all I get is a fuck off".

Yeah.

"Jim, goddamnit, I'm a doctor not a shrink!"

~TBC~

* * *

**A/N: **

**For my defense: I watched the new series 'Hannibal'. And then I went of looking for Hannibal/Will fanfictions and found some and they had sex but more of a rough kind so I decided to change Spirk sex into rough sex (but I suck in writing actual sex so that's why I stopped after the foreplay, screw me) and Jim gets really, really addicted to it.**

**And angry. I'm such a bed person, screwing with Jim and Spock like that.**

**I'm so sorry. NOT.**


End file.
